18 Nov














Update : 17 Months

5 Sep

(I realize the inconsistency and disregard this blog is handling… but there’s no way I’m going to get journaling done on paper in this time of my life… so these will have to do. And because I don’t deal well with guilt, I’m just not going to have any. So there.)

Ransom @ 17 Months



The boy is walking… finally.
He started in earnest the beginning of August.
He’d been doing lots of “side of the ice-rink shuffling” for months.
I’m learning that when it comes to physical goals he isn’t quick…
But once he figures it out he never looks back.
He’s the opposite of heedless… without being fearful.
So there hasn’t been much falling, which I expected, because once he finally walked he was proficient.


He saunters, not walks.
Toes pointed out and knees high.
Like an old cowboy.


We are doing almost all solids now.
He nurses 2-3times a day for a short stint.
Currently he has a slight dairy aversion… mostly resulting in sinus drainage.
Something not worth dealing with in the middle of the night,
so we avoid that. Same with gluten, just makes him grumpy.


A Typical Daily Menu
Breakfast – banana, scrambled eggs
Lunch – turkey hotdog, veggie straws, applesauce
Dinner – Whatever is on our plates, baby food pouch with veggies
Snacks – apple (he loves a whole peeled one to munch on)


Sleep is going great.
Been through the night 8-7 for months now.
On the off night that I have to go in and comfort, it takes only a moment.
Still taking two naps: 9-11am and 2-4am
A couple times I’ve tried to drop the morn nap and it causes great havoc.Letting him guide me on this one.
So far he likes his consistent sleep.
Of course on busy days were we are out of the home he adjusts fine.


He has 8 teeth (4/top 4/bottom)
Thankful that we’ve had a long respite from teething woes.
He’s weighing right around 21 lbs.
Hasn’t gained much since he turned a year and started being super mobile.
I think he’s just destined to be a petite kid.
Wears 12-18M clothing.
Size 4 shoes.
His noggin is huge, and still only sparsely inhabited by white hair.


He loves to climb stairs or playground equipment.Open drawers, anything zipped, doors.
He can put on sunglasses and hats.
Super good about getting down from high places feet first.
(bed, couch, stairs, etc.)

He is signing please along with the word.
Waves goodbye and hullo.
Nods his head yes and no.
Points emphatically.
Kisses and on rare occasions will snuggle his head on your shoulder.


Ever since walking his mental skills have soared.
I think it was so busy working on figuring out the feet it had no time for other things.
He’s become increasingly verbal every day,
quick to monkey/mimic our every move.
He’s got particular quickness when it comes to mechanics of things,
or anything routine.


These are all the words he’s said,
though they come in shifts, so not all all the time.

Pronounced Words : Translation
mama : mama
papa : papa or your phone is ringing
no : no
nononono : i really mean no
pa-pee : puppy
bee! : bird
baw : ball
oo – ee : one two three
mee : please
nana : banana and/or I’m hungry for food
nay-nay : night night
tag-tag : his taggie blanket
bye bye : bye bye
hi-ee-a : hi
bye bye doo : bye bye I love you

These along with constant chatter that hasn’t slide into real words yet.
He’s getting super close to being able to echo words back.


He likes animals and things with wheels.
Playing usually consists of walking around taking things in and out of places.
Visiting the vacuum to push all the levers and disconnect the hose.
Riding his “walker”.
Finding forbidden cords or electronics.


He loves being around people,
but holds them at a distance.
Especially kids, he gets so excited to be running about with them,
but get in his arms length and he gets super stoic and glares.
We’ve had to work on sharing and being patient with others.


He doesn’t deal with disappointment well.
But once he moves past it can regain joy quickly.


He loves his Papa and especially riding in the truck or going on errands.
More and more I’m learning that loving him is creating new things/places to explore.
Freedom and open spaces.
But not surprising him too much.
He needs introductions to things and then he takes off.
Same with people.
If they pounce on him he shuts down.
But with a little time and letting him get comfortable,
he is sweet and happy to be with you.


I had a minor emergency room visit this past month,(more on that later)
and he was in a lot of capable hands between friends and family.
I’ve been surprised by how well he’s handled everything.
His being flexible made him a delight to those who’s responsibility he became.


Our biggest discipline scenarios involve times when he needs to be still.
The boy doesn’t understand why we don’t use our legs all the time!
Again, thinking ahead and knowing how he will react gives us grace toward him.


He’s becoming more affectionate and has at times come over to kiss or hug me.
These fleeting acts are such gifts.


Food: Watermelon or Bananas
I have no idea how much he can eat,
since I have to cut him off when his stomach gets distended.

Animal: Bird
If he hears one, even while inside he walks to the nearest window.
“Bee! Bee!”

Place: Splashpad or Mall Playground
It’s been a hot summer, so we’ve been limited…
but he loves spaces that he can conquer and make his kingdom.


Thing: Keys
He loves to hold ours and especially the actual car keys.
Any notch or groove is a place to stick them.


Show: Curious George
He’s cycled through a few options, but this one seems to be a winner.
His face lights up when the theme music starts.
I think he may understand George’s garbling better than English.


Activity : Sitting Behind the Steering Wheel
Sometimes we wait in the car for Papa to come home.
All the levers and knobs are his paradise.


Mama @ 5 Months

I’m starting to regain some normality physically and hormonally.
Nothing could have prepared me for how tough it is to slowly lose yourself to what
a pregnant and new mom is.
I’m not sure if I’m going BACK to what I was,
or if I’ve become comfortable with the new me.
Either way, it’s a relief.


I’ve been working out more consistently with the help of Cassey Ho.
She’s the peppy trainer I’ve been searching for since I had Ransom.
Her routines are quick and effective and the calendars keep me on track.
The changes have been subtle, but every little bit is huge from where I was.

Back to that Emergency Room Visit I mentioned…
Last month I had some incredibly sharp pains in my abdomen.
They came on without warning and escalated quickly.
We rushed to the E-Room to find out I had a ruptured cyst on my ovary.
The alarming part was it had opened a vein that was causing internal bleeding.
They did immediate surgery and took great care of me.
I lost a lot of blood and had a transfusion to start the healing process.
Thankfully they were able to keep my ovaries intact.
My recovery has been surprisingly quick.
It’s been a little over a month now, and I’ve felt 95% for 2weeks.


So grateful for modern medicine and a loving church that stepped in with meals.
There are no ongoing complications.


As a family we’ve had a tough summer.
A lot of questions without much answers.
But I’m continually gladdens by how even frustration seems to draw us closer.


Looking forward to cooler weather and a toddler to explore it with.


Up to date:

15 Sep

Ransom @ 5 Months


He’s learning how to roll.
He has front to back down and back to side.
He doesn’t seem to realize the power of mobility yet and it’s mostly involuntary wiggling.

Feeding is an ongoing saga.
He is healthy and gains weight steadily,
but eating is only a hindrance to him.
This is changing my vision of peacefully nursing as a comfort.
Instead it’s faster the better.

He loves to be near me but isn’t a cuddler.
The Moby is a perfect compromise.

He weighs about 14.5lbs.
Wearing 6month clothing
(mostly for the noggin sized collars and cloth diapered bookah)
His peach fuzz is getting more evident.
There’s a good chance for red.

He’s a sunsneezer like me.
Often when we go outside we have a choral of “kertishoo”s.

He loves to stand with assistance.
More and more able to grab things and bring to his mouth.
He doesn’t hold on to them once they get there though.

I don’t feel any teeth yet,
but he’s drooling tons and is constantly gnawing on something…
or someone.


While he tracks about at his due date in mobility,
he’s right on his birth date with mental stages.

He’s a visual learner and is already hyper aware of eye candy
The other day a firetruck went past,
it was all things good in the world.
He is very sensitive to change in light.
He has difficulty falling asleep if there are interesting lights around.

(watching his first olympics… he loved the swimmers)

He knows “daddy” and “mama” and will look for us if prompted.

He is short sighted like me,
so, little patience if things are uncomfortable.
Frustrates easy,
but is also easily distracted back into a good mood.

He loves books and watching people.

He thinks being startled is funny
and will go into fits of laughter if you catch him unawares.

Every morning he wakes up ecstatic about the day.
Somehow these two night owls produced a morning bird.
I pity him,
we never seem able to match his early excitement about life.


He loves me being around him.
I think he loves me as a comfort.

Goodman is loved as interesting specimen and another person to watch.
They are still figuring out what kind of relationship to have.
It’s so interesting to watch these two strong personalities mingle.

We are going through our first stages of discipline.
Our focus is guiding as God guides us.
Sometimes this means swift and sharp,
But often at this point a time of lack of fellowship bring things around.
Ransom is learning to voice his emotions.
We are trying to show him how we want that communication,
but it has appropriate levels.

He loves church.
Mostly the singing and people and so much to see.
I’m loving how the liturgy is already becoming a sweet staple to life.


Song: Doxology
It’s his sleep song.

Animal: Fish
I think it’s the easiest for him to track.

Place: Outside of the apartment
He’ll get fairly upset if we don’t leave once a day.
A walk around the mall has been this summer’s normal.
It’s cool and there’s covered parking.
Also a nursing room.
He loves the lights and petstore puppies.

Thing: Water
He loves the pool and will hum and kick.
He sits outside our showers and giggles with delight.
Just the sound of it running is a favourite.

Mama @ 5 Months


What a wonderous time.
All the hardships of a newborn pale in comparison to pregnancy.
I am so grateful to be on this side of that belly.
So grateful for the energy and brain clarity.

I love him so.
He’s so perfectly ours.

It’s fun to have another little being around.
(even with the ongoing work)
He’s someone to talk to and relate with.

Some of my favourite things have been exploring with him.
Watching him discover things for the first time.
An elephant,
the feel of rain on his face,
the smells of the grocery store,

It’s all so new through his eyes.

I’m struggling to accept my new body.
Everytime I catch a glimpse of my rounder face I doubletake.
Also attempting to adapt it.
Exercising regularly for the first time in my life,
hating it.
My appetite is so changed.
For the first time I’ve experienced sugar lows.
I have to eat constantly to appease my nursing body.
But I also crave the most fattening things.
Learning to change those cravings is tough.
Revamping the wardrobe has been an ordeal.
I’m coming to peace with it all…

I’m in love with Goodman.
His patience with me and my changes is saintly.
He gently encourages but never judges.
I’ve seen him grow so much as a father.
It makes me trust and love him all the more.


14 Sep

Noun: A section or speech at the end of a book or play that serves as a comment on or conclusion to what has happened.

We had a son:


The ransomed of the Lord shall return,
And come to Zion with singing.
With everlasting joy on their heads.
They shall obtain joy and gladness;
Sorrow and sighing shall flee away.

Isaiah 51:11

Time of Birth
April 10th 2012
12:50 pm

Weight & Length
4lb 15oz

I went into labor at 34 weeks after a 3 day slow water leak.
He was born at Baylor in Grapvine under the watch of Dr. Clark

I labored for 34 hours
Our sweet midwife was unable to be there
Goodman never left my side and was my saviour

At 30 hours I was put on pitocin to spur me through the last few cms
Once that hit my system
exhaustion and pain made an epidural imperative
allowed me rest for a few precious hours

Woke renewed and ready to push
20 mins later he crowned

Ransom started crying before his chin was even out
A welcome sound meaning his lungs were healthy
We were told constantly that his progress for such an age was remarkable

Goodman was given the privilege of declaring
“he’s a boy”
to me
by then I somehow knew

I was able to touch and kiss him for a few minutes
My thoughts were relief and joy and peace

It was the most difficult thing either of us have endured
Even now I’m in awe of the magnitude of the experience

Because of his premature birth he spent 10 days in NICU
for non-emergency watching

I was able to nurse him from the beginning
when not under the bili lights
(for slight jaundice)
Both Goodman and I had unlimited contact to him

We were surrounded by the Body of Christ
Indeed they lifted us and supported us
Never has she looked so like her Groom to me

Bringing him home was the deepest joy

My heart was so full

He is the perfect mix of us
French passion & temper
Romanian zeal for adventure & impatience
Bechard head & dimples
Vrazo hairline & nose

God has been good

:photos by Mercy Vrazo:

some thoughts on the now

22 Mar

In the haze of pregnancy brain, I’ve been lax in keeping up with recording life. I’m living it… in a half haphazard, headlong way… but not often stopping to note it. I haven’t done much “being” these past weeks.

In truth “I” am changing so much that it’s confusing trying to speak from any perspective. Everyday I wake up and it’s as if I don’t know this body, mind and heart. This is all natural to pregnancy… I realize. But still unnerving. Especially as it’s the first time. Sometimes I think my body is so busy trying to provide for Wombkeeper that it forgets to keep Abi informed. The only time I’ve felt so fragmented before was during those difficult 17-19 years. Wherein body is changing, hormones are raging and mind is fumbling. None seem to have learned to sync to one another. It’s strange being thrown back into that mess. Stranger that out of all this rubble God is creating something so unique, so perfectly mechanized.

Now that I’m thoroughly in the third trimester, I think I’ve at least grasped the concept that… there is no normal. *smile* Thankfully I’m not going to be this way forever, really even tomorrow. One day my feet are so swollen I can’t fit into any of my shoes, the next I have energy and creativity. Learning to take myself as I come. I’ve always been able to “pep talk” myself into accomplishing things. No longer.

There’s a feebleness that I’ve never experienced. All my strength is furrowed into one task. And it’s only after my body is assured that that task is safe and progressing that it’s leaves me leftovers. Sometimes barely enough to make my bed and prepare dinner.

Thankfully, I have a loving, kind, patient husband who often understands this quicker than I do.

When I often feel like a failure he bears me up, carries me (sometimes literally). I am astounded to see God’s faithfulness in such a tangible man. He continues to praise me when there is little to find favour in. Constantly points out beauty when I only see ugly.

Loves me when I’m utterly unlovable.

In a strange twist that very love turns me loveable again.

(photo from

growing right along…

22 Mar

27 weeks: on our way to a special valentine’s day dinner

28 weeks : at the lodge out in CO that we vacationed in.
was difficult being pregnant because of the altitude.
did some lovely swelling and because i felt uncomfortable, ate tons.
but, it was beautiful in the mountains, and the cold was wonderful.

29 weeks

30 weeks! can’t believe we’ve gotten this far.

31 weeks : belly button has popped and we are now counting down in single digit weeks

32 weeks : caught a nasty chest cold today.
glad Wombkeeper has no chance of catching it from me.

mirror shots

13 Feb

21 weeks
this is me finally feeling like i’ve popped

22 weeks

23 weeks
Wombkeeper is going through a growth spurt which means I’m exhausted all the time

24 weeks
bought this shirt for my honeymoon

25 weeks
rare occasion of actually fixing my hair… and black is no longer slimming

26 weeks
“does this lipstick make me look pregnant?”